Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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