week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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