party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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