return my video game
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
