Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
