He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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