never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
