From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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