I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
