is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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