tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
