did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
