I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Every concussion has its silver lining
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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