I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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