So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
