Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
