Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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