yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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