Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
