nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
