is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My feet surprised me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
