Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
