I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
