I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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