I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
