he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
