ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
