I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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