Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
where are you?
Hypothermia
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Bring me that man meat
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
