So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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