My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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