My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
