My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
