so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
