I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dick very happy bro
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
