How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
