I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
