Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize