walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
