I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
