dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
