did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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