Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize