Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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