Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize