I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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