dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Congratulations! We have a period
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