You're my little dorito
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
