I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
