is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize