Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
