dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize