Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
sex in a hospital.. check
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
