Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
