Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
