OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
