and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What a dumb baby whore.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
