i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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