Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
