Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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