Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
