I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You made out with two different species that night
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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